I’m in love with a man that is an alcohol and pot addict and in my opinion, bipolar also. He’s a wonderful person when he is clean, but changes drastically once he is high, drunk or on something.

I honestly feel that we have a really good “partnership” / relationship …. when he is sober.

He use to be a speed addict, would drink every single day and when I first met him he could not keep a job. But I stuck by him though, because I saw the goodness in him during those very seldom days that he was sober.

We went through alot. So many times I was so ready to give up, but I don’t know how I managed to make it through. I did do a couple stupid things that I wish I hadn’t done, because it didn’t only hurt our relationship, but it hurt him and our kids.

During the time that he wasn’t working and was drinking heavily, I was contacted by an old flame and ofcourse I was so disappointed with him and his addictions and his lack of motivation to work that I stupidly went along with the online flirtation. He read a few of the emails and was so mad at me and ofcourse I couldn’t do anything but appologize, because I knew it was wrong. That hurt us alot, but we managed to move on.

Time went by and he got better. He began to drink only weekends, however he replaced one addiction with another. He began smoking pot.

See, the one thing that I can’t get him to understand is that he is a completely different person when he is on something. I always jokingly to tell him that when he is drinking or is high, He thinks he’s a 6ft man with balls of iron, because he drastically changes his attitude when he is on something. Bottom line … he is not the man I’m in love with when he is on something.

I really want to learn to live with his addictions, or move on, but I don’t know how.

Part of me knows that I can do without the frustrations and the other issues that come along with his problem, but for some reason I don’t know how to let go. There’s something about him that keeps me with him.

Is it love? Is it habit? Is it lust? Is it that I feel sorry for him? Is it that I don’t want our kids to hurt? Is it that I don’t want to ruin the stability we have both finally managed to provide for his kids and my kids?

I feel and I know I need to make a decision, but I’m afraid of basing my decision on selfishness or CONTROL like he always says.

The other day I was cleaning out our closet and I found a bag in one of his old shirt pockets and he was so excited about what was in that bag. He told me it was something that was legally sold.

The truth is that I don’t care wether it’s legal or not. The fact is that he is so into trying anything that will take him out of this world. Anything that will give him a high. When I asked him to give me the bag he said, “ok mom. I know you just need to feel that you’re in control”. That PISSED me off. How dare him make me feel bad for wanting a freekin NORMAL life.

A few months ago I found a couple of messages in his phone that til this day he swears weren’t meant for him. I was so upset because I felt that I had been through so much with him for him to just throw me away like that. However, I never confronted him about it.

Now, you have to keep in mind what I am constantly dealing with. All the ups and downs with not one or two addictions, but also with a chemical inbalance that doesn’t help him with his addictive personality.

I’m not a bad looking woman, so there’s always someone that thinks they can sweep me off my feet. So again, like an idiot I accepted a dinner date with one of my clients a few days after a disappointing weekend and after thinking for a couple of weeks that he was cheating on me. I never told him anything about this guy and the dinner date and he found out. He automatically assumed that I had slepted with the guy and left me. Just like that. Picked up his things and left.

Everyone in his family hated me and no one wanted to know anything about me or hear anything I had to say. The thing about that that really freekin hurts me, is that no one stops to think about what I had been going through. Everyone knows he’s an alcoholic, but just because he doesn’t do it everyday it’s ok, according to their beliefs anyway. Am I again seeing this the wrong way? Was I really wrong about feeling cheated and still disappointed about the whole addiction issue?

He’s been back and again we’re trying to work things out, but I am constantly challanged with his addictions and the unfairness of his understanding about how his addictions are the root of all our problems.

It’s so easy for him to call me a cheater, but it’s so hard for him to believe that he has a woman that loves him and that would have no need to pay any mind to anyone else if we didn’t have a major problem with (1) his chemical inbalance (2)his addictive personality (3)his alcohol addiction.

Is there hope for us? Can a person with excessive needs to constantly be under the influence of something change his ways? Is there a possibility of this problem just getting worst? Is there a chance he can learn to be normal and come home wether it’s a weekday or the weekend and not have to smoke pot, or have a six or twelve pack, or make one of his drinks with some hawaiian powder he bought online? Could “we”, me, his kids and my kids ever have a normal “DAD”?

Looking for realistic comments. Remember that just because he has addictions that doesn’t make him a bad person. He has maintained a very good job the last 2 years and he is a very good provider, so don’t automatically assume he’s a bad person please.

Also, know that you don’t have to sacrifice good mind-blowing sex by getting clean. In fact, sober copulation is far more enjoyable than completely-strung-out-&-just-going-through-the-motions sex. You’ll be very, very pleasantly surprised.

Hang in there! If you do whatever you’re asked (for a while), and take suggestions, the magic will happen. Just hang in there and take it easy, one thing at a time.