Nick now claims that he was searching for methamphetamine for his entire life, and when he tried it for the first time,” as he says, “That was that.”
In February 2005 David Sheff told the story of his 23-year old son’s three-year addiction to meth. It was a tale of family connections lost and found, old habits, dying hard and being reborn. While Nick had relapsed several times before, he had been clean 10 months at the time of writing and was possessed of a determination not previously discernible. The article concluded with the reproduction of a letter Nick had written to his 11-year old brother, who he had once stolen eight dollars from during his troubled period. He described his shame over how the trust he wanted to build with him now was so elusive back then. While recognising that he couldn’t reclaim the past, he staked a claim to the future: “I will be here for you. I will live, and build a life, and be someone that you can depend on. I hope that means more than this stupid note and these eight dollar bills.” One can only hope that he has kept what he found.